Exit Stage Right - NOT Wrong...

On a program aired 15 February, Ray Gosling, a long time BBC presenter, claimed he'd participated in an assisted suicide many years ago. "He was a young chap," he said, "He'd been my lover. He got AIDS."

Naturally the authorities rushed to arrest him the next day. This being Britain, there will doubtless be a long legal battle which will, eventually, will be won by Mr. Gosling. Provided the 70 year old doesn't pass away himself from old age while waiting for what is politely termed "justice".

In America, of course - when it comes to assisted suicide - or just plain suicide - we do things ever so much more efficiently. You, or your friends and relatives, need only call the police and say that they "think" you are suicidal and "might" have a gun and the police will race over, sirens blazing, and shoot you no further questions asked. Happily, you needn't go to the trouble of acquiring a gun to take advantage of this helpful free service. Possession of an actual weapon is irrelevent after the initial 911 call has been made. Once the police officially suspect you might be armed, they will act immediately - no waiting. (It will even speed things more if you or your friends and relatives can quietly let the police know you are "of color".)

Of course, whatever color you are, if you are in a hospital and far too sick to move, you will forced to die slowly, millimeter by excruciating millimeter while the hospital bills tick ever higher. This, by the way, is known in the religious biz as compassion.

We do need to warn you, however, if you and your friends and relatives do not remember to suggest to the police that you are armed, a very different scenario will kick in. The police will insist on an ambulance to take you to the hospital where you will be locked up for an unspecified period of time and although they will do nothing but take your blood pressure and make you pee in a cup - many, many thousands of dollars will be racked up in what are referred to as "medical" bills.